We’ve all heard the name “League of Legends”. We’ve listened to our friends bitch and moan about shitty support roles and champions, but what does ANY of it mean?
Well, fact of the matter is, I’m still discovering that myself. I played my first few games of league on Sunday, and let me tell you, I was shit talking other players by Monday night. It’s a pretty easy game to learn (at first. We’ll get back to this), and actually a good deal of fun. That is, unless you have other friends who have been playing for a long time.
As is wont to happen with MMO style games, or in this case a “MOBA” (The term MOBA meaning Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, coined by Guinsoo’s tenure as god of our beloved DotA, however the term has only picked up traction recently due to Riot’s success), folks who play for an extended period of time get all cranky waiting for their friends to figure out the game and will run around you, pulling the other characters and wondering why the fuck you keep dying (Seriously, what’s your problem brah? You got maple syrup in your keyboard or something?!). But once in a while, every so often, you get a friend (or in my case, boyfriend) who wants to gently hold your hand through the process of learning this game and will gladly take you through it, playing against AI on “intro” (which, yes, is essentially a tutorial level).
And speaking of boyfriends, weird lead in, I know…. I’ve noticed a lot of women play this particular game. I have no doubt in my mind that it’s because it’s a strategy based game and as we all know, we women are manipulative, ruthless, tactical masterminds when it comes to taking something and making it ours (fight me tumblr!). Then again, it could be the array of actually pretty cool female characters. *GASP* and they have MULTIPLE OUTFITS!! Yes, that’s right, you can buy and earn new ‘skins’ (that sounds creepy) for all the characters in the game. This obviously isn’t limited to just the ladies, the gents have other skins as well. Men will also enjoy girls characters because as far as I can tell, each new outfit revealed for female characters is increasingly naked-er.
ANYWAY, thanks to my beloved it was NO time at all before I was smack talking some girl in the chat room for abandoning her responsibilities as bot offense to talk in the window, cursing like a sailor when I took a death, and throwing my mouse across the room. Ahhh yes, the calming, relaxing, soothing hobby of video ga….wait.
That’s right, LoL is actually a stress generator. The matches are timed, you are forced into teamwork with strangers (who most likely suck), and by the way, the main button you use? Is a RIGHT click. Yeah, that’s a super fun habit to get into. If you plan on getting into the game anything more than casually, I suggest you hit up a thrift store and buy as many used keyboards as possible, as you are most likely going to need them to throw across the room in a fit of fury. I believe, that if all the idiots and morons with the internet available to them were to convene in one spot, it would be in a co-op vs. AI match on beginner. The stupidity running rampant in there should really be studied.
Stress and equipment destruction aside, wtf is a MOBA? (Don’t fucking call it an ARTS-Action Real Time Strategy, a bastardization of RTS- either, that’s just a shitty word hipsters came up with to be ‘edgy’. FUN FACT: No one playing an online game is edgy.) Well, a MOBA is basically online capture the flag. Each team starts off across the map from one another, with their base. The goal? To destroy the other teams base. When you kill/get killed in this game, you don’t die. There are no limited lifes etc. You respawn at your base. So when fighting the enemy, you can kill them, just like a game of capture the flag, you can punch little Timmy in the dangle, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get the flag. Eyes on the prize little Billy. Focus your shit on towers. Destroying these towers helps your team. You also have towers. The purpose of them is to defend their respective team. IE: Blue ones protect blue team, red ones protect the red team. Destroying them means that they have fewer defenses along the way and puts them at higher risk to get to your base.
Leveling in this game is weird (from what I can tell, I’m still a n00b, just not remotely half as bad as a mouth breathers in beginner AI’s). Each game you start out level 1, but your account gains levels and lets you buy buffs etc as you level up there for your overall account. Meaning your champions will have those buffs. I don’t have a single example for you, but this is what I was told by all the people who were clearly confused while they told me how bad I sucked at the game.
Why would I pick a game of LoL over an MMO? Interestingly, this game is a bit like dodgeball, in fact, it’s gotten so huge that people are WATCHING league matches like one would watch a football game. I think the draw here is that you get to feel like you weren’t always picked last for dodgeball. Because when you and Jinx are tearing up that map, well, you’re basically unstoppable. I mean, sure, you’re winded getting up to make your way to the fridge to eat a ham or whatever, but when you’re seated, hooked up to your oxygen tank, using a special keyboard/mouse combo so you don’t need to move your 80 lb. arm, well you’re virtually UNSTOPPABLE!
So essentially, LoL is just capture the flag for people who don’t want to have to move, while achieving the same sense of accomplishment as an actual sports event.
It’s like football for nerds!
Please direct (as I assume this blog will receive a LOT of it) all hate mail to erik@nerdfit.com