Hold the fucking phone……say whaaaat??
You heard me! Nerds can be HEALTHY. Geeks can be FIT. Dorks can be JACKED…(haha no they can’t. Fuck dorks.) But in all seriousness, while we all love to perpetuate the stereotype of laying around, half-assedly eating nachos, playing MMO’s and boarding up the windows to prevent us from remembering theres a REAL world to take part in. We CAN do both. I know, I know… just reading this is exhausting you, upsetting your anxiety, or leading you to reach for your inhaler, but LISTEN TO ME MY BREATHLESS FRIEND, THERE IS A WAY!
A lot of what I’ve realized that gamers, and nerds in general lack is drive towards fitness (and this includes myself before you get your superman panties in a bunch) and health. Why is that? I have no idea. Maybe one too many of us were put off in high school by the dreaded idea of…. *intense music* GYM CLASS….bwah-na-naaaa……and really, it was traumatic for a good number of us. Dodge ball was loving known as “how to get a black eye in 20 seconds or less” and don’t even get me started on the idea of games DESIGNED for bullies like sting. Ah yes, sting. A game where you literally had to be faster than the fast kids or they could whip a tennis ball at you as hard as they fucking wanted. Those cunts. But I digress. It left a big scar on most of us, deep within us, beyond all those school plays dad missed, and all those times mom never hugged us, it rooted within us. “I can’t”. Sometimes, it isn’t even “I can’t”, a lot of the time it’s “why bother?”. We’ve learned to be content with our internet in front of us. (Besides, if I want sex, my Second Life character is a fucking KNOCK OUT.) We’re in an age where digital is outweighing physical by a great amount.
But WHY? What’s the big deal? Well, first off, you owe it to yourself to be healthy. Even if all you want to do is sit on your ass in front of your computer forever (I sure as fuck know I do!), you’ll do it LONGER (Read: you wont die as fast) if you’re healthier. I’ve also noticed a weird shift in nerd/geek culture and communities. With the growing popularity of all things ‘geek’, mainstream media has been grabbing a hold of it and strangling the life out of it, just as it does with everything that was once pure and innocent….(I’m lookin’ at you Miley). As the wind is being softly knocked out of our subculture and it’s making it’s way to the shelves of Hottopic, Newbury Comics; and even regular stores from Macy’s to Walmart are now in on the comic craze at the VERY least. Translation? Nothing is sacred. Nerd ladies (oh my God, am I going to get so much shit for this…) being over weight and not caring about your physical appearance is no longer offset by the fact that your obscene amount of fat has resulted in what can only be described as “mammoth titties”. THERE. I SAID IT. WE WERE ALL THINKING IT.
GENTLEMEN, the fact that you’re a nice guy and smell like you practically DRINK Axe (which I’m still not sure is preferable to smelling like a barn yet…), does not offset being unkempt, unshaven, and wearing your favorite Avengers shirt for the 5th day in a row. At our core, we are still people. Taking care of ourselves SHOULD be our priority, not the next raid. Even I’ve felt the sting of “I should shower but man….this game is pretty good…”. We’re no longer our own little cult in the shadows. Signals are getting all mixed up as gents are starting to think ‘nerd girls’ actually all lay around with two Sega controllers on their boobs and a Nintendo in front of their chach when they take pictures. Simply untrue. The LADIES are all starting to think that nerd gents are going to suddenly all start looking like Chris Hemsworth, and the fact is, its not true (of all of us. Some of us do, and if you’re that someone who looks like Mr. Hemsworth, please call me.)
I LARP. You guys remember all those awesome articles I wrote about LARPing, right? Of course you do. Well I play my Elder Scrolls Online character there, and let me tell you…practical application of a character in real life showed me I am certainly not as fit as the Dragonborn. SO with that, I decided to make some changes. I started eating healthier, for one. A bag of green beans is just as crunchy as chips, and way better for you. But this isn’t about eating healthy, this is about the thing that inspired me to finally get off my ass.
>>> www.beagamecharacter.com <<<
See this shit right here? That link in the center, bolded, and proud just above this?? This shit was a game changer for me. Dan “DaRatmastah” Wallace, started a blog in 2011 called “So You Want to be a Video Game Character”. His design was simple, and pretty spot on for his target audience. He wanted to use his audiences favorite video game characters as a means to inspire them, and give them a guideline to work within. All of this started with a four page blog about Ezio Auditore. It grew from there and is now a website, a twitter, tumblr, facebook, so on and so forth. He even has youtube videos to clarify certain workouts and warm up routines. I did my first workout today. Finding inspiration at a level that was easy for me, and basic enough to learn quickly was very VERY helpful. Dan has the directions to each workout set up in phases of beginner, intermediate, etc. Weirdly, a lot like a video game (WHAT ARE THE ODDS!?) and it makes it WORLDS easier to concieve yourself doing things in the expert range later. Think of it like leveling up IN REAL LIFE. There is help out there too! You can start a fucking GUILD if you want! Well, maybe not a guild, but you can find helpful people on his forums. The forums are great and offer a really cool and positive environment of like-minded people who are all striving for the same goal. What internet nerd doesn’t love a good forum community? It’ll be JUST like the old days of Dragon Court, Tibia Town, and MUDs.
Essentially on his home page, he has the characters (which he is constantly adding to) split up into three groups. Rogues, Fighters, and Tanks. This sort of gives you an idea of the body type and skill set you’ll be working towards. For example, Faith from Mirrors Edge is in the Rogue category. She’s fast, nimble, and based in cardio and muscle toning, but not in muscle MASS. (This was good for me, as I want to lose weight and tone, not just bulk up…I’m not exactly out to pull trucks with my teeth or anything.) in the Fighters category you have characters like Lara Croft and Batman. Fast, but extremely reflexive, combatant, and muscular as well. Then there’s the tank category. These are characters like Duke Nukem and Master Chief. Essentially, massive dudes whose muscles have their own AK-47’s. Once you find the category you want, you can look over the characters. Even if you don’t know the character (WHICH YOU SHOULD.) you can read a bit about them under their profile. Once you select a character a breakdown is offered of the workout, the character, and the characters goals, etc.
I definitely recommend giving this a shot, I’ll update in a month with progress on this I’m sure, as it’s actually inspired me to a point where I feel like my goals are probably attainable. I think you can too, reader. So what do you say? Let’s all get jacked and beat up the football team.
XOXO
Mika
Please direct all hate mail to Erik@nerdfit.com